Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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