Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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