You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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