My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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