We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
