i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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