i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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