barbara walters just said penis...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize