atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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