paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize