my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
