yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
