It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
