shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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