The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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