false alarm. still invincible.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
