so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
