If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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