Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
