I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
