My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
