$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
