i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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