He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
