it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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