I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
