if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
