I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
