I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just had sex on a roof
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
