I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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