ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
