either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
