Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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