Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
