Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
