my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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