oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize