is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
