Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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