I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Randomize
