You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
