i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
