Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
