dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
