He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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