i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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