Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
