Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
