Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
