I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
