I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
