I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize