someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
