I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
