Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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