Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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