hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize