Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
