Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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