my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize