He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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