I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
