I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize