He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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