There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
