I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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