why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
