So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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