Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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