I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
